I refuse to give my life to fate

This Is Me, the one who always try anything just to survive and make everyone I love and I care happy. I know it's not easy to do but I don't want to give up to fate even some times the fate is really cruel thing that crush me all the times. but even that fate broke my arms, I will try with my legs, when that fate broke my legs too, I will keep try with my head and when the fate crush all my body, I will keep trying with my spirit, everything I have.

This Is Me and I refuse to give up or surender my life to fate, because I believe if we want to change, we must be can change.

Read more...

I want to be like Muhammad Rasulullah saw

in the last few days I really try to learn hard, may be hard than before I ever learn something that because I want to live like Rasulullah saw. and I hope I can do that. This Is Me, the one who want to be like Muhammad saw and I hope Allah will help me for that.

Read more...

Help me Please

to any one who read this, or maybe you are the generous one, please help me, because almost 7 years I have to face the same problems and all of its because of money. This Is Me, the one who start to do business with borrow some money from other people. honestly the business doing well but when the needs is more and more push me, I can't do nothing beside doing the best I can do to survive. with all the limitation I have and the needs I have to fill, I'll try to run this life carefully. but it's not enough, because my energy is run out just to survive so I can not move forward and make my business growth, and now I have to face that I can't fill what I needs anymore.

maybe I have to explain what the needs to all of you. I have to pay the loan money to the bank which is I used to keep my business survive, then I have to pay all the bill such as electricity, phone and school insurance for my daughter, we have to eat too, so I need to spend some money to buy the basic needs such as rice and foods. I have to pay my only employee and now I really looking for someone who want to help me give me The Money Loan for me.

If you really want to help me, I'm in Indonesia and here is my phone numbers : 021-32498331, thanks.

Read more...

Is the Credit Loan is come today?

When I wake up this morning, I heard some "Good News" for myself about the Loan Credit, because I really need to Loan Money but it seems to hard because I don't have any guarantee for it. I hope this time is for real, because this is will affect to my life, my future and of course my way to find my dreams.

To all friend who already helping me, thanks a lot, and may Allah bless you. This Is Me and I really thanks for that.

Read more...

I will Keep Hope

I know, desperate is not the answer for me, and This Is Me, the one who willing to fight until the end of this life and I will keep hope and try until that chance is coming, mean while I must maximize every opportunity that I have to keep survive. even I know it's really hard to be patient but I have to, for everyone I love in this world. I only hope that Allah will help me soon when I still breath and standing.

Read more...

The Chance has arrived

Finally there is some hope comes to me today and I hope I can manage and make it very valuable because maybe this is one of the important opportunity in my life. I hope I not waste this chance and I really thanks for it. Thanks God and thanks for this opportunity, I hope I can maximize this one.

To everyone who help me all this time, This Is Me, and I thanks for it.

Read more...

No Chance No Future

I'm tired to wait something never comes, is it me the one who too foolish and stupid or just too naif to face this life? all I want is just a big chance for me a chance that will change my life, is it too difficult or is it too big what I'm asking for? Ya Allah, is it me too meaningless or not worth for You to give a chance?

this time I really doesn't know what is wrong or right? I really don't know. This Is Me, the one who lost the direction and there is no longer future in my life.

Read more...

Save our Earth and all the beauty from this nature

When I see the beauty of nature that Allah give to us, I realize that we already been bless by Allah because with all the beauty in this earth we can live and breath without having any trouble. but once again we do not know how to thanks for that, we destroy the nature only for temporary advantage and because of our selfish the nature is now dying.

This Is Me, I'm the one who really care about the nature even I only do the minimum thing, at least I already did something. do you ever think someday this earth will be empty without trees or any living thing inside? that's all because what we doing today, make the nature broken without don't know how to fix it.

so, Save our earth immediately!

Read more...

It's hard to find Money Loan

This Is Me and today I don't have anything to said because I really confuse now, it's really hard to find Money Loan from any Bank or anyone. Is anyone will help me loan me some money?

Read more...

Allah always be there for us

This is wonderful, this is miracle for me. That's why we can't stop hoping and pray begging for help to Allah and believe me, Allah will help us in anyway Allah want and we never think if there is any kind of the way to help us from the problem we had. and that's what happen to me and I never stop to said thank you Allah, thank you, alhamdulillah.

Sometimes we don't know what Allah give to us is good, sometimes we only see the whole physically or something we see but we never think what's behind it? that's human thinking and there is nothing wrong about it but at least that can make us more wise and learn something from our mistaken.

This Is Me and I've been there for a lot of times and finally I learn something precious in this life, which is never give up and never stop hoping to Allah because Allah who made us and Allah know what is the best for us.

Read more...

I'm with my daughter

Today I've been companion by my daughter when I made a posting in the village using other internet connection in my new rent house. even inside my mind I think of how about to pay all the bill of this month but inside my heart I feel so happy and glade because of my daughter is beside me and make me feel so comfortable.

Maybe not only just money and wealthy, it's about love and caring. maybe there is so many people with a lot of money and very wealthy but they can't feel what is love and care and I'm very thanks to Allah that I've been bless with it.

so This Is Me and today I just so happy

Read more...

I Finally Found Allah

I finally found what should I do with my new blog and I like it and I hope everyone like it too and This Is Me and I will always be remember Allah and Muhammad because I love Allah and I love Muhammad SAW. and this is what I want for the rest of my life which is love Allah and Rasulullah because I can't live without Allah and Rasulullah.

and This Is Me, and I finally found my way to live in this world and the next life and I hope Allah will always bless me and I can follow what Muhammad SAW way. Thanks Allah for everything that you've been give to me and in the future. and I know You always help me all the time. and This Is Me the one who found the way for the rest of this life.

Read more...

Allah will always Help Me

This Is Me now try to be a better blog with new looks and templates and I hope anyone who visit this blog will get something from it and I believe all the articles I made probably happen in other people life on only me. and This Is Me who always tell the truth about me and the way I feel and how do I solve all the problems just to survive in this world with all the insurance from Allah.

Bismillah, that's the word who always comes from me when I want to do something it's mean with the name of Allah I will do the job and hope Allah will bless me with that. I just want to continue with the post that I've been made few days ago when I feel so desperate because with the money I have this month I can't pay any bill not mention bill for my daughter School Insurance and that's make me really desperate, lost hope and it's collide inside my heart becoming one big problem.

For someone who has a lot of money maybe they do not have to think how about the next month, can I pay this, can I pay that, can I fill my life insurance and anything, because they has money, unlike me. I have to work very hard to live my family with all the limitation I have, education, ability and equipment. but after I have few minutes for meditation, hear the sound of nature and begging help to Allah, I realize that we live in this world is only for temporary not forever and from all the problem inside me, I made the conclusion which is I should never give up because there is a Big Power from Allah who always help me all the times if I believe and I believe to Allah.

want to know the result, just keep following This Is Me because I will write more about How Powerful Allah is and How?

Read more...

Never Give Up in This Life

Yesterday when I just got back from the village to meet my daughter, I have "consumer" who talk too me much and what he talking to me is make my spirit is rise again. after he ask me about how to become writer on the internet we have conversation and from the conversation I know that "old man" is a wise man and he told me much about his life.

he told me that we should never give up in this life because when you give up you don't have a chance to bring your life back to the top even is very hard but just don't give up, keep your hope alive and never give up. keep trying and trying and don't forget to praying ask for God help because our life is belong to Allah and Allah decide everything according to our mind and our feeling. if we think we can not do something, believe me we will never can do that thing, but if we tough we can do it, believe me it will find the way and that will be realize.

almost few hours we talk and I finally learn something which is we should never give up even we in the hard situation but we should never give up from hope and keep trying and trying and don't forget asking for help to Allah. that what I can learn from the conversation between the old man and me. This Is Me and I hope We Never Give Up in this life.

Read more...

Don't Ever Doubtful Allah

Assalamu'alaikum Wr. Wb.
Bismillah

When someone already reach the bottom of their life, the situation who can make anyone do something out of their mind, crazy or even kill themselves only because they can not figure it out what is wrong with them? and that happening to me, to myself and this is me want to share all of it on this blog.

in Friday in my mind, inside my brain is full with disappointment and anger, but to whom? to me, to someone or to the Allah? and what is my right to angry with? so I'll try to make myself thinking and thinking what is wrong with me and my life all this time? I think I've done everything the best I can do, even I already "pray" but why there is still no change with me and my life and that make more depress and lost my idea.

Finally I have the conclusion of myself which is all this time I've done something because I want something in return, not because of that was is my responsible or I think I already do because of my responsible and not hope something in return but the fact, the way I do, the way I think is different, inside my heart I still want something in return not because that what I have to do without thinking what is the return for me, and that's the beginning of the mistaken I've done.

as a Moslem I have to think the way I've been told on Holy Qur'an and Sunnah Rasulullah SAW. and all this time I just ignore them and just do and do without knowing the direction of this life. I realize that I believe in Allah but what I do, I act and I think is different. I'm still questioning myself about Allah, is Allah will help me, is that right or no, and the worst is I think there is no more hope for me because Allah will not help me.

But all of those mind now I'll try to remove from this head, this heart and this life. Because when you believe Allah then you have to trust Allah fully not half or quarter, and that is not an option. the way you think, you do, you act you talk is because you believe Allah and Allah teach you on Holy Qur'an. Believe is one thing very hard to do but when you already do that that's the first step you've been made to continuing.

So, no matter what your problem is just return it to Allah, because all the key of the problem is belong to Allah and we have to ask Allah to solve the problem and of course there is the rule to do that and I will explain that in the next chance, insya Allah. This Is Me and once you believe Allah, don't you ever doubtful Allah because the way we think is what Allah give to us. Thanks to visiting and hope Allah will bless all of us.

Alhamdulillah.
Wassalamu'alaikum Wr. Wb.

Read more...

Please Forgive me Everyone and Forgive me God

may be this will be the end of my life! next week maybe I will fall in to the deepest failure I ever had in my life and all of it because my mistake and my foolish way to make decision in the past. I'm not sure if I can pass this again, because everything is not going right just failure and mistaken in front of me, not mention I don't know how to pay all the bill for this month. maybe only miracle who can save me now, God? may be God already disappoint to me much so I don't know to whom I begging for help.

So I will enjoy the rest of my life for few weeks and even is the last week of my life but I have to share it with all the one I love and I care about. so God please forgive me for the the mistaken and sin that I made and don't make everyone I love is suffering because of my fault. let me carry this by myself because this is the mistaken that I've been made not them.

To everyone I love please forgive me and don't hate me especially for my wife and my daughter, forgive me because I can't make your life better and I can only make you all suffer. thanks for everything that you have been give to me God and once again Please Forgive me, thank you.

Read more...

I'm all Yours Allah

I'll try to keep this hope alive inside my heart even in the same time my heart is feel so afraid, how if I can through this? what should I do? but I'll try to make myself strong and believe to Allah, that Allah will give the best for me. and only that thing in my mind who keep me alive and I know Allah always see me all the times.

I always pray to Allah, Ya Allah, please help me through this situation, please give me the best from You to me, the one who really need Your help, Your bless and Your love, please don't leave me alone, don't punish me, forgive me and help me to make my dream comes true.

This Is Me and I always believe that Allah will help me all the time, because my life, my dead is belong to Allah.

Read more...

This Is My Way to Turn Back Again

I think I found my way back again "maybe", but I've been through this way and almost six months I've been there I feel peace and relax of course it's not the easy way to go but I should try and comeback to that way. I already think this decision again and again, and the result is still the same, which is I should back to the way I ever feel so peaceful and comfortable even that's not easy but I think I can do that.

This Is Me and I believe This Is My Way to wake up again to see the world with different view with all the limitation that I have I will pass this again but maybe I have to work harder and harder. Because I think the right way is when we feel we match with it why we have to avoid it why don't we just through that way beside I already know what will come on the cross of that way.

When I still work on the Textile Factory I ever learn even through this way and I feel so great and peace but some how I turn back and leave that way, now after thousand time thinking I decide to comeback and try again from the beginning. This Is Me, may Allah help me and always be with me all the time.

Read more...

More Tested to Me from God, Hope I will survive

Once again my patience was tested, maybe it seem not hard enough so there is some test anymore in my life in the right time. when I want to see my family I have surprised with my daughter condition who has fever, almost two days my wife said my daughter has this fever. this maybe classical reason but we even can get my daughter to the doctor to cure her because of we don't have any money to do it.

Not mention maybe this month I don't have good earning so we have to use the money wisely, we can not spend our money too much, because we afraid is not enough until next month. I believe my wife will understand with the situation, when my store is not too much visitor also with my blog, not too good with earning, but I keep the hope alive because only hope that we have now.

I try to find a side job to increase earning for us, but until now I still don't have any answer or way to it but as husband and father I will keep try and try because they are my responsibility and I can't let them down because of my disability. may Allah help me and find me a best way to comes out from this situation. This Is Me the one who need comes out from the situation who always been become my nightmares.

Read more...

Where is The Light

Just dark, black inside my mind, there is no clue or anything to make me move ahead or step forward. I need a light even there is only light of the candle at least that light can bright this mind and continue to move forward even it's not easy but I have to move on, fight back. But I can't see, I can not see anything right now, it's dark here and I just like blind man in this world. and those are some describe from me which drawn what inside me and This Is Me.

For years I looking for some light to bright my way so I can move easily forward, I'll try turn left, turn right or even step backward just to find those light but I can not found it, or me too blind not seeing what I've been missed. maybe those light right in front of me but I just too long not to see so feel just like blind and maybe when the light is come I fallen to sleep because too tired looking for it. damn, what an unlucky man, my heart is whispering to my head.

This Is Me, believe me I will never stop to find that light to make this way easier so I can move on and step forward in this life. I will never regret everything that I've been sacrifice for it, but I will never accept the foolish that I've been made all this time, fall to sleep when that light is coming to me.

Read more...

The Best I can do for the one I love

This Is Me and this is the real me. After my store contract is no longer available, so I decide to move to other place or my friend internet cafe precisely, I stay at the internet cafe for a while, until i can get the money to rent my own store. thanks there is still a good friend of me accept me to stay there and give the place to live even only for a while.

If i can give any of my energy or my tough to my friend not money because i don't have any money, i will give it to pay the debt to him. until now still i can't have found the way to my dreams and i think i have to work very hard for it and keep going until my breath is over, til i die. and when that day not come yet, i think i have to force everything i had to reach this dream.

I'm not young anymore, i almost 36 years old now but i believe when you have a will there must be a way you can find to reach your dream. and i will make this dream come true even i have to pay with my life. for the one i love, my daughter, wife, family, i want to make them proud to have someone like me and can make sure of they life insurance and i believe i can do, can i?

this is me the one who keep fight and fight for the rest of my life to find a better life

Read more...

How do I pay all Bill and My Daughter School Insurance?

I think I already mess up everything in this life. and this month I don't know how to pay my electricity bill, water bill, my daughter school insurance and also monthly money for my family so my wife can buy something to eat for us. I don't know what way should I take to change this faith to be a better one, because the whole way I know I've already try and the result is still the same, even getting worst every times.

What I need is luck and chance, big chance. with my skill which is fix computers and typing, I can only wait because I don't have money to buy some part such part of computer thing and also I don't know from where I have to search it. may be I'm quiet lucky still alive today, because yesterday me and my wife just talking a long day about our future and how will be our life in the next few days, few months? should I give up? This Is Me and I don't know how to make this life is to be better, if I know, I would never write this blog, just to express myself through this written.

This Is Me, I hope there will be a better ways and better chance in the next few days so I can tell the good news to my family that we can pay the bill again and continue this life again. This Is Me and the real me, no more no less.

Read more...

Is anyone or anything will help Me?

????

That marks always inside my head all the times. Is me to stupid to understand all this life and understand how to live in this world? can I continue this life? or what should I do with all my job, my duty and my obligation to the God, parents, family? honestly, I never think about myself, because I run this life to fill my obligation and if there is something for me in return, I'll thanks for that.

This Is Me, someone who always looking for something to make a better life, a better thing to fulfill everything what the one I love needed. But until now I always let them down, I never can keep my promise, I always promise them to be have a better life in the future and be patience for that, the reality say very different thing to me. How can I carry on again?

This Is Me, the one who want to try every ways that I can do, only to make obligation complete in this world. maybe if I'm death, I'm free from that obligation. Sorry to all the one I love, I can't make all of you happy, I can't make my promise comes true. to my parents, to my wife and daughter, please forgive me, because This Is Me, this is the best I can do for you all, no more, no less. I'm tired, I'm really tired, I wanna take a rest from this life for a moment.

This Is Me! Is possible someone or something will help me? looks like a dead end is very close in front of me and I can't figure it the way out from there. This Is Me! PLEASE..... ANYONE HELP ME! I already try the best I can do, what should I do now? what should I do? God? I think God doesn't want to hear me, because there is too much sin and I do bad in this life, I think I'm finish now. This Is Me, but thanks to everyone who supporting me all this time and I really mean it. Thanks!

Read more...

I'm a Bad Luck Man and This Is the Real Me

This is Me, the one who always have a bad luck in this life. Such as this month, I have to move to other place to survive this life and hope a better thing will happen to me, because I don't have any money to continue pay the rent for my store. So the way out is, I have to move and for temporary I rent a place from my friend, even it's too little but I have to continue other wise I can't earn anything to live my life.

After few days I move to new place, I know it would be hard to adapt again but I wasn't predict this hard. In the night often I cry in my heart and begging help from God and anyone who can help me. may be I'm too stupid by hoping help from the others and also I'm too naif to has a dream in this life.

Should I quit and runaway from all this problems? should I? who will pay for my family life insurance and my daughter school insurance? I keep think and think but there is nothing, in my head running out of idea and I think I'll die for sure. This is Me, can someone, something help me?

Read more...

Better Life Better Future Better Opportunity

After what I see the whole thing that happen to me, I believe there is must be something wrong with myself, and I have to figure it out soon. This Is Me, I have to know what happen to me and what will I do with my life. Even I know, it's really hard to do that, but I have to fight and work very hard fot it.

This Is Me, I have to run my life according from what I'm learning all this time, there is no easy life for me, so I need to make my ability to survive more than anyone else who have the same faith with me, if I want to succeed in this life. I have responsible to do and I have family, and they are one of my reason I'm alive.

And today I know there is a way in front of me that I have to use wisely without throwing that opportunity away. This Is Me, I control my life, not anyone else, so I have to clear the destination in my life for better future. and This Is Me, the one who find big opportunity or create my own opportunity to make a better situation for me, for my family, friends, nations and this earth.

Read more...

This is My Dream and My Family Dreams

This Is Me, the man who always looking for happiness for myself and for my family, also for the people around me, including friends, neighborhoods, city and for my country. But for now, I'm looking for happiness to my family. Maybe without them my life is empty, nothing and no direction. So I want to make sure that all the one who connected with me feel happy.

All what I said that I want make everyone happy is not the easy thing to do, because what people need and what they want is very various and a lot, it's impossible you can gave what they want, act like they want to and believe me it's very hard. But me is the one who want to do that, but how? I will do what I can do best to make that happen, including if I have to sacrifice my own happiness for them.

Now I'm struggle and fight to find my dream, my family dream, which is has my own house, my own store and my own business. I know that's a big dream but that's not impossible to reach. I want to be a rich man so I can help anyone who needed my help. I want to be the one who can give my strength for the best of the life my family because all of those thing that I do is my duty and God give me the duty so I have to do what God told me.

anything else about what I want to do is will written in the next post. But I will do the best for the one I love so I can make insurance for them that I'm the best man they had, even many times they don't realize that, because I don't need a complement. This Is Me and always be me. Thank you.

Read more...

First Day in School

Continue from the last post, today I will write story when I was in Junior High School. and this is one of the best and worst experience I ever had in my life. After I graduated from Basic School or we use to call Sekolah Dasar, I continue to Junior High School or SMP. I made to enter one of the favorite school in Bogor which is SMP 5 and because from I was little I don't have much friend and almost alone every times, I was a little surprised when enter the first day in that school.

I saw many different kind of people and I said, if I can make friend to them that would be very nice. and day by day I live my life on that school but still I can make good friend to them, just friend who only said "Hi" and "Hello", not friend who can give us suggestion and sharing. But there is one guy who accept me as his friend and I really excited. I know him when I buy some lunch in cafeteria and he ask me where do I come from and I answer him. from that moment me and him become close friend, but I didn't realize that I already entering to the other side of him.

Yes, he is one of the "bad boys" in the school who always miss the school and I think too late for me to realize that because I already in. I go from home to school but I never go to school, I go to mall, any place that make me and all the friend can spend times to have fun, and those happen almost every 2 days in a week, when we don't like the teacher or the lesson we don't like.

Many times we get caught by our teacher and we get punishment but that don't make us learn, we are to wild and what we think is only joy and happiness because we want free, we don't want to follow any rules. ha ha ha, I was laugh when I write this, how can I be such a foolish like that.

When I think of it now, I feel sorry to my parents because they already do the best for me to pay my School Insurance, because we are not rich people we just ordinary people. But, it's too late isn't it? This Is Me and this is the true of me.

Read more...

This Is Me when I was a little child

When I born in Bogor, Jawa Barat, Indonesia, I have stomach diseases that I don't know what it is, so I have to spend a lot of time in the hospital, may be about 1 month, that's what my parents said to me. When I was a little kid, there is no one want to play with me because I'm too weak they said, so they don't want me to become their friend cause they afraid they can loose in the game when they took me in. So from a little kid I get use to be alone because I'm also not my favorite child for my parents.

So day by day I through the time without knowing what to do. If I'm go to school, I'll just go to school because I don't have any ambitions, I'll just doing it, and my parents said I'm clever kid. The problem is, I move to one other school too much, may be can reach 3 or 4 times in a year so I don't have many friends in my life.

A lot of my friend said that me as a boy like sissy or "banci" cause I'm too weak, and from that moment I'll try to change so I can make myself strong. One day someone making fun of me, may be he 2 or 3 years older than me, but my body more bigger than him, he said hey you can never play this football or soccer, because this is only for real man, he said not for sissy. Again and again make me mad and angry, so I punch him and he cry. hahahaha, I punch him and he cry.

But on the afternoon his brother come to me and angry because his little brother was hit by me, and once again I have to face more bigger boy than me, about 5 or 6 years older than me and I run and run to avoid them. And I never told to my parents what happen that day, may be my age about 8 years old.

While my parents busy to work to find something for they children to get life insurance for they children, me and my big brother and little brother only play after school, but always even my brother doesn't want to play with me, so I left alone. I remember when I was in Palembang chasing a kite, me and the other boys climbing the tree and we are caught by someone who own that tree, so he get angry to all of us, we run and run as fast as we can. I think I have some fun that day.

May be enough for today and This Is Me, the real me, the man who looking for better life to make sure that's my family have any life insurance for them. Thanks for visiting

Read more...

I Will Fought for My Daughter Life Insurance

Me, live in Indonesia, Bekasi precisely and I'm work in Internet Cafe. my age 35 years old and I already work in many place. mostly I work on Garment Factory, but because in my country garment production is not one of the favorite business, so there is so many garment factory is closed. May be because the cost of production is too high so a lot of garment factory is closed. So start from years 2003 I'm work on Internet Cafe. Thanks to my friend they accept me as they employee.

For the first time it was very hard and difficult but now there is no problem for it. I'm also try to make blog so I can have earn from blog and other online business such as forex or tutorial computer. Should be what I get from my payment is enough but the fact that's never enough because there is so much I have to pay such as rent house, water, electric, my daughter school and any payment that was my responsible.

not mention if there is any of my family members are sick that's will make me depress, because what I'm earning from my payment on Internet Cafe is not enough may be far from enough. So I start to try to make online business, I made blog and I'll try adsense too, Forex too, and any other online business. I want to make sure that my daughter school insurance will pay and I don't need to think about her school anymore because I already pay insurance.

But I still don't have any result from it, may be because I'm too stupid or too dumb to do all of those thing. Such as this month I have to pay my house rent and that's cost a lot of money for me because I have to pay almost 4 million rupiah or about $400 US Dollar, and my payment only 1.5 million rupiah or about $150 US Dollar every month. So at this moment what I can do is only hope and pray, pray and hoping that God will help me, that someone will help me through this situation. For myself I don't need life Insurance because I will do anything for my family, for my wife and my daughter, so I don't care with my life Insurance, I just want they happy and I can give every need what they want, of course as long as I can do that and I know my wife understand me very much.

So everyday I'm hoping that's will be a miracle comes to me and lift me up from this situation, can gave me better life and better job so I can make my family happy and can pay they life insurance. This Is Me and this is the real me.

Read more...

This Is Me the Poor Man who can make his family happy

This blog I made to tell the world who I'm and this is me and the real me. I want to tell the world what is my problem and hope God will help me through this hard life, for me. This month is really hard for me, I don't know what to do anymore. From years to years always been like this, and always the money is the main problems. When I have to rent other house again, I have to spend a lot of money, the money that I've been saving all this one whole year.

I wish I'm a rich man, may be I don't have to rent a house, I can buy a house for me and my family so I don't have to spend money to rent a house again, but what can I do? what I can do is rent a house, I don't have enough money to buy it or even to credit it. not mention what I have to give money to my wife to use for the needs everyday for one month, is always been not enough for us, but we try to make that enough. If my store or rental not too much visitor who buy stuff from me or service they computer, so may be that day I can't earn anything.

I'm very confuse with this situation and it's happen again and again. Not mean I don't learn from the other years but what happen is always like this, is that God doesn't love me? or is God want me to do something that I don't know? I don't know really I don't know what to do anymore. Every possibility to gain the money I already do (may be) because this is me, the one who want to do anything to fill what my family needs.

I don't know who is fault if this happen, may be I'm too stupid to become a rich man or at least to become someone who can make his family happy without nothing less. sometimes I have to keep the money very tight and carefully so I don't buy something not worth but some how that money can be used for something and I really don't understand that.

God help me, I don't know to whom I have to begging for help, what I know is only You who never give up on me and I believe You know me the whole me and please forgive me, I know I'm the one a lot of sin and please have mercy for me, I don't know what I have to do when I have to face this reality. and this is me, the poor man who can make his family happy and I'm really sorry for it.

Read more...