Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Allah will always Help Me

This Is Me now try to be a better blog with new looks and templates and I hope anyone who visit this blog will get something from it and I believe all the articles I made probably happen in other people life on only me. and This Is Me who always tell the truth about me and the way I feel and how do I solve all the problems just to survive in this world with all the insurance from Allah.

Bismillah, that's the word who always comes from me when I want to do something it's mean with the name of Allah I will do the job and hope Allah will bless me with that. I just want to continue with the post that I've been made few days ago when I feel so desperate because with the money I have this month I can't pay any bill not mention bill for my daughter School Insurance and that's make me really desperate, lost hope and it's collide inside my heart becoming one big problem.

For someone who has a lot of money maybe they do not have to think how about the next month, can I pay this, can I pay that, can I fill my life insurance and anything, because they has money, unlike me. I have to work very hard to live my family with all the limitation I have, education, ability and equipment. but after I have few minutes for meditation, hear the sound of nature and begging help to Allah, I realize that we live in this world is only for temporary not forever and from all the problem inside me, I made the conclusion which is I should never give up because there is a Big Power from Allah who always help me all the times if I believe and I believe to Allah.

want to know the result, just keep following This Is Me because I will write more about How Powerful Allah is and How?

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Monday, March 29, 2010

Never Give Up in This Life

Yesterday when I just got back from the village to meet my daughter, I have "consumer" who talk too me much and what he talking to me is make my spirit is rise again. after he ask me about how to become writer on the internet we have conversation and from the conversation I know that "old man" is a wise man and he told me much about his life.

he told me that we should never give up in this life because when you give up you don't have a chance to bring your life back to the top even is very hard but just don't give up, keep your hope alive and never give up. keep trying and trying and don't forget to praying ask for God help because our life is belong to Allah and Allah decide everything according to our mind and our feeling. if we think we can not do something, believe me we will never can do that thing, but if we tough we can do it, believe me it will find the way and that will be realize.

almost few hours we talk and I finally learn something which is we should never give up even we in the hard situation but we should never give up from hope and keep trying and trying and don't forget asking for help to Allah. that what I can learn from the conversation between the old man and me. This Is Me and I hope We Never Give Up in this life.

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Sunday, March 28, 2010

Don't Ever Doubtful Allah

Assalamu'alaikum Wr. Wb.
Bismillah

When someone already reach the bottom of their life, the situation who can make anyone do something out of their mind, crazy or even kill themselves only because they can not figure it out what is wrong with them? and that happening to me, to myself and this is me want to share all of it on this blog.

in Friday in my mind, inside my brain is full with disappointment and anger, but to whom? to me, to someone or to the Allah? and what is my right to angry with? so I'll try to make myself thinking and thinking what is wrong with me and my life all this time? I think I've done everything the best I can do, even I already "pray" but why there is still no change with me and my life and that make more depress and lost my idea.

Finally I have the conclusion of myself which is all this time I've done something because I want something in return, not because of that was is my responsible or I think I already do because of my responsible and not hope something in return but the fact, the way I do, the way I think is different, inside my heart I still want something in return not because that what I have to do without thinking what is the return for me, and that's the beginning of the mistaken I've done.

as a Moslem I have to think the way I've been told on Holy Qur'an and Sunnah Rasulullah SAW. and all this time I just ignore them and just do and do without knowing the direction of this life. I realize that I believe in Allah but what I do, I act and I think is different. I'm still questioning myself about Allah, is Allah will help me, is that right or no, and the worst is I think there is no more hope for me because Allah will not help me.

But all of those mind now I'll try to remove from this head, this heart and this life. Because when you believe Allah then you have to trust Allah fully not half or quarter, and that is not an option. the way you think, you do, you act you talk is because you believe Allah and Allah teach you on Holy Qur'an. Believe is one thing very hard to do but when you already do that that's the first step you've been made to continuing.

So, no matter what your problem is just return it to Allah, because all the key of the problem is belong to Allah and we have to ask Allah to solve the problem and of course there is the rule to do that and I will explain that in the next chance, insya Allah. This Is Me and once you believe Allah, don't you ever doubtful Allah because the way we think is what Allah give to us. Thanks to visiting and hope Allah will bless all of us.

Alhamdulillah.
Wassalamu'alaikum Wr. Wb.

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Friday, March 26, 2010

Please Forgive me Everyone and Forgive me God

may be this will be the end of my life! next week maybe I will fall in to the deepest failure I ever had in my life and all of it because my mistake and my foolish way to make decision in the past. I'm not sure if I can pass this again, because everything is not going right just failure and mistaken in front of me, not mention I don't know how to pay all the bill for this month. maybe only miracle who can save me now, God? may be God already disappoint to me much so I don't know to whom I begging for help.

So I will enjoy the rest of my life for few weeks and even is the last week of my life but I have to share it with all the one I love and I care about. so God please forgive me for the the mistaken and sin that I made and don't make everyone I love is suffering because of my fault. let me carry this by myself because this is the mistaken that I've been made not them.

To everyone I love please forgive me and don't hate me especially for my wife and my daughter, forgive me because I can't make your life better and I can only make you all suffer. thanks for everything that you have been give to me God and once again Please Forgive me, thank you.

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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I'm all Yours Allah

I'll try to keep this hope alive inside my heart even in the same time my heart is feel so afraid, how if I can through this? what should I do? but I'll try to make myself strong and believe to Allah, that Allah will give the best for me. and only that thing in my mind who keep me alive and I know Allah always see me all the times.

I always pray to Allah, Ya Allah, please help me through this situation, please give me the best from You to me, the one who really need Your help, Your bless and Your love, please don't leave me alone, don't punish me, forgive me and help me to make my dream comes true.

This Is Me and I always believe that Allah will help me all the time, because my life, my dead is belong to Allah.

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Monday, March 22, 2010

This Is My Way to Turn Back Again

I think I found my way back again "maybe", but I've been through this way and almost six months I've been there I feel peace and relax of course it's not the easy way to go but I should try and comeback to that way. I already think this decision again and again, and the result is still the same, which is I should back to the way I ever feel so peaceful and comfortable even that's not easy but I think I can do that.

This Is Me and I believe This Is My Way to wake up again to see the world with different view with all the limitation that I have I will pass this again but maybe I have to work harder and harder. Because I think the right way is when we feel we match with it why we have to avoid it why don't we just through that way beside I already know what will come on the cross of that way.

When I still work on the Textile Factory I ever learn even through this way and I feel so great and peace but some how I turn back and leave that way, now after thousand time thinking I decide to comeback and try again from the beginning. This Is Me, may Allah help me and always be with me all the time.

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Sunday, March 21, 2010

More Tested to Me from God, Hope I will survive

Once again my patience was tested, maybe it seem not hard enough so there is some test anymore in my life in the right time. when I want to see my family I have surprised with my daughter condition who has fever, almost two days my wife said my daughter has this fever. this maybe classical reason but we even can get my daughter to the doctor to cure her because of we don't have any money to do it.

Not mention maybe this month I don't have good earning so we have to use the money wisely, we can not spend our money too much, because we afraid is not enough until next month. I believe my wife will understand with the situation, when my store is not too much visitor also with my blog, not too good with earning, but I keep the hope alive because only hope that we have now.

I try to find a side job to increase earning for us, but until now I still don't have any answer or way to it but as husband and father I will keep try and try because they are my responsibility and I can't let them down because of my disability. may Allah help me and find me a best way to comes out from this situation. This Is Me the one who need comes out from the situation who always been become my nightmares.

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Friday, March 19, 2010

Where is The Light

Just dark, black inside my mind, there is no clue or anything to make me move ahead or step forward. I need a light even there is only light of the candle at least that light can bright this mind and continue to move forward even it's not easy but I have to move on, fight back. But I can't see, I can not see anything right now, it's dark here and I just like blind man in this world. and those are some describe from me which drawn what inside me and This Is Me.

For years I looking for some light to bright my way so I can move easily forward, I'll try turn left, turn right or even step backward just to find those light but I can not found it, or me too blind not seeing what I've been missed. maybe those light right in front of me but I just too long not to see so feel just like blind and maybe when the light is come I fallen to sleep because too tired looking for it. damn, what an unlucky man, my heart is whispering to my head.

This Is Me, believe me I will never stop to find that light to make this way easier so I can move on and step forward in this life. I will never regret everything that I've been sacrifice for it, but I will never accept the foolish that I've been made all this time, fall to sleep when that light is coming to me.

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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Best I can do for the one I love

This Is Me and this is the real me. After my store contract is no longer available, so I decide to move to other place or my friend internet cafe precisely, I stay at the internet cafe for a while, until i can get the money to rent my own store. thanks there is still a good friend of me accept me to stay there and give the place to live even only for a while.

If i can give any of my energy or my tough to my friend not money because i don't have any money, i will give it to pay the debt to him. until now still i can't have found the way to my dreams and i think i have to work very hard for it and keep going until my breath is over, til i die. and when that day not come yet, i think i have to force everything i had to reach this dream.

I'm not young anymore, i almost 36 years old now but i believe when you have a will there must be a way you can find to reach your dream. and i will make this dream come true even i have to pay with my life. for the one i love, my daughter, wife, family, i want to make them proud to have someone like me and can make sure of they life insurance and i believe i can do, can i?

this is me the one who keep fight and fight for the rest of my life to find a better life

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Sunday, March 14, 2010

How do I pay all Bill and My Daughter School Insurance?

I think I already mess up everything in this life. and this month I don't know how to pay my electricity bill, water bill, my daughter school insurance and also monthly money for my family so my wife can buy something to eat for us. I don't know what way should I take to change this faith to be a better one, because the whole way I know I've already try and the result is still the same, even getting worst every times.

What I need is luck and chance, big chance. with my skill which is fix computers and typing, I can only wait because I don't have money to buy some part such part of computer thing and also I don't know from where I have to search it. may be I'm quiet lucky still alive today, because yesterday me and my wife just talking a long day about our future and how will be our life in the next few days, few months? should I give up? This Is Me and I don't know how to make this life is to be better, if I know, I would never write this blog, just to express myself through this written.

This Is Me, I hope there will be a better ways and better chance in the next few days so I can tell the good news to my family that we can pay the bill again and continue this life again. This Is Me and the real me, no more no less.

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Monday, March 8, 2010

Is anyone or anything will help Me?

????
That marks always inside my head all the times. Is me to stupid to understand all this life and understand how to live in this world? can I continue this life? or what should I do with all my job, my duty and my obligation to the God, parents, family? honestly, I never think about myself, because I run this life to fill my obligation and if there is something for me in return, I'll thanks for that.

This Is Me, someone who always looking for something to make a better life, a better thing to fulfill everything what the one I love needed. But until now I always let them down, I never can keep my promise, I always promise them to be have a better life in the future and be patience for that, the reality say very different thing to me. How can I carry on again?

This Is Me, the one who want to try every ways that I can do, only to make obligation complete in this world. maybe if I'm death, I'm free from that obligation. Sorry to all the one I love, I can't make all of you happy, I can't make my promise comes true. to my parents, to my wife and daughter, please forgive me, because This Is Me, this is the best I can do for you all, no more, no less. I'm tired, I'm really tired, I wanna take a rest from this life for a moment.

This Is Me! Is possible someone or something will help me? looks like a dead end is very close in front of me and I can't figure it the way out from there. This Is Me! PLEASE..... ANYONE HELP ME! I already try the best I can do, what should I do now? what should I do? God? I think God doesn't want to hear me, because there is too much sin and I do bad in this life, I think I'm finish now. This Is Me, but thanks to everyone who supporting me all this time and I really mean it. Thanks!

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Thursday, March 4, 2010

I'm a Bad Luck Man and This Is the Real Me

This is Me, the one who always have a bad luck in this life. Such as this month, I have to move to other place to survive this life and hope a better thing will happen to me, because I don't have any money to continue pay the rent for my store. So the way out is, I have to move and for temporary I rent a place from my friend, even it's too little but I have to continue other wise I can't earn anything to live my life.

After few days I move to new place, I know it would be hard to adapt again but I wasn't predict this hard. In the night often I cry in my heart and begging help from God and anyone who can help me. may be I'm too stupid by hoping help from the others and also I'm too naif to has a dream in this life.

Should I quit and runaway from all this problems? should I? who will pay for my family life insurance and my daughter school insurance? I keep think and think but there is nothing, in my head running out of idea and I think I'll die for sure. This is Me, can someone, something help me?

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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Better Life Better Future Better Opportunity

After what I see the whole thing that happen to me, I believe there is must be something wrong with myself, and I have to figure it out soon. This Is Me, I have to know what happen to me and what will I do with my life. Even I know, it's really hard to do that, but I have to fight and work very hard fot it.

This Is Me, I have to run my life according from what I'm learning all this time, there is no easy life for me, so I need to make my ability to survive more than anyone else who have the same faith with me, if I want to succeed in this life. I have responsible to do and I have family, and they are one of my reason I'm alive.

And today I know there is a way in front of me that I have to use wisely without throwing that opportunity away. This Is Me, I control my life, not anyone else, so I have to clear the destination in my life for better future. and This Is Me, the one who find big opportunity or create my own opportunity to make a better situation for me, for my family, friends, nations and this earth.

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